Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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