My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
