i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
