Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
