i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
