i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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