Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
