Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I supernannyed him into submission
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize