Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
