I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
