He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
