I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
