I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize