I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
