Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
did i walk over a car last night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
