Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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