So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
