It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
there's paper in my vomit.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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