So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
