I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
