she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Damn victory sex feels great
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize