the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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