i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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