he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
