The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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