i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
