My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
