You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
