I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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