matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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