Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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