Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
