Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
