I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry about my life...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
