The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
FUCK WHALES
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
