If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
