I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
