Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
