So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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