Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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