Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
