i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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