ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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