What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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