is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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