why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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