I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
