i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's never too late to be topless.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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