My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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