We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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