Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
last night I used snow as a chaser
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
