I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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