That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
