so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
