there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
