New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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