Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
