sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
