I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize