More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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