never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
