I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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