I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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