Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
