Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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