I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
