I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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