She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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