so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
