They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
