I just made out with a guy for $7.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
